Hey y’all,
I have been building a house for a woman and her mother. So far they have been very easy to deal with and have been giving rave reviews to us for our work.
Last week the woman’s husband calls(not the mother’s) and is loud, belligerent and condescending and fell just shy of cussing me out regarding a pre-finished bamboo floor that he doesn’t like because there are “cracks” between the boards. In other words, it doens’t look like a traditional install, sand and finish hardwood floor. She saw the material and installation in another house that I put it in, loved it, got a great deal on it and bought it. She and her mother are the only ones who signed the contract with me and the checks come from the mother’s trust account.
I have had very little contact with him throughout this project as he has been ill and pretty much confined to their house. When I have had contact with him he has also been very complimentary and appreciative. Apparently she and he had been arguing about the floor she picked out(for her and her mother’s house) for the last couple of weeks. She was fed up and wanted me to talk to him to explain what a pre-finished floor looks like. He’s old school, she’s trying to go new school and I got caught in the middle on this one.
Later she apologizes to me and proceeds to tell me he has not taken his anti-depressants lately and has delusions that she and I are conspiring against him on the project. I remind you, this is her and her mother’s house being built with her mother’s money.
My overall question is, when first talking with clients about new projects should we be asking if anyone who will be involved in the project is taking anti-depressants or any other anti-psychotics? He is an older man(upper 60’s/low 70’s) and in poor health so I’m not worried about a physical confrontation but in this day and age I’m worried the guy will show up on the job with a gun or something. She also seems to suffer(according to him) from bi-polar disorder, most of the time she’s really up and a great person but sometimes she’s really down and can barely function. She’s harmless but I worry about him a little. I worry about my crew and sub-contractors having to run for the hills if he were to show up on the job with a gun in one of his delusional states. Have y’all ever heard of crazy clients getting violent on a job site?
By the way, technically she is acting as the GC on this project. We are just providing carpentry labor and construction management.
Replies
I don't think you should ask any questions regarding the client's health, or the health of their family, unless you'll building handicapped accessible stuff, or unless the job is obviously ill-suited to the client's medical condition.
OTOH, it's probably not so dumb to ask if there are any people you might run into on the job who would need "special" treatment, just to keep the peace.
It's not uncommon for bipolars to marry other bipolars, etc, so it wouldn't be unlikely that the woman shares some of her husband's problems.
But also remember that folks with certain psych problems are often excellent liars, and they can make up stuff on the spot that sounds entirely believable, and they can say it with a sincerity that will convince even the inherently skeptical. It is worth noting, however, that these folks are rarely violent.
Are they quadpolars or quarterpolars? ;>}
This is just simple.
You're meeting with the client for the first time ... ask to see the master bedroom. Then, all of a sudden - you have to use the bathroom.
Medicine cabinet - reveals all!!!
(just kidding of course) ;o)
Jeff
Except that nobody keeps their meds in the medicine cabinet.
If your view never changes you're following the wrong leader
Definitely do not ask. It is too personal, insulting, and unprofessional.
Having said that, if you ever have a client that causes you problems based on a medical condition, and it goes to court (say they act irrational and don't pay), the medical condition, if relevent to the case, can be discussed.
In this case it is not your client, but a "bystander". Tactfully and politely leave it to the family to deal with him. They are certainly embarrassed when a family member acts like that off medication, and though it is not easy for them to deal with it either, your involvement won't solve the problem. Give support to the family and be patient as they deal with it.
One additional observation: Even a "normie" would be upset in this situation. His wife and MIL are building a house without his input and making him feel like a eunuch.
It may be that the way to handle the guy would take this into account -- bring him into the loop to a degree by at least acting like you value his opinion and don't regard him as a total dunce. Think how you'd feel under the circumstances and do what you can to pump up his ego.
Had a woman blowup at her kid. It was nasty, vicious, and scariest thing I've seen in a long time! Kid never batted an eye lid.
I would have left if not halfway through the work!
I have seen similar things our family was having dinner in a local pizza restaurant one night some time ago when an altercation blew up between a mother and her son approx 13/14 years old at a table wth a number of other family members within earshot and view they both stood up and she whacked him in the face ,he fell down and ran off to the bathroom should I have rang the cops and reported an assault I didn't what would you have done
You can make it fool proof but not idiot proof
Edited 12/31/2007 3:39 am ET by Bolts
A lot depends on the altercation. If she was nasty and then clobbered him I'd have called the cops. If the kid was nasty to his mom I'd have cheered the mom...Which way was it?
lucilly I'm not on meds yet. If I was that'd s***
It takes studs to build a house
Once you ask, what are you going to do with the information? Will it make a difference? Are you going to decline to do business with the medicated? An awful lot of people are on anti-depresants -- check out the profits of the drug manufacturers on these drugs. Psychiatric disorders are among the most stigmatized, so people on psycho-active drugs are the ones most likely to lie to you about it anyway.
Also, the ones who are medicated probably aren't your biggest problem, it's the nut jobs who *should* be medicated. ;) Which is, I think, what she was trying to say about herself.
As far as showing up with a gun, you really don't know who will snap. How many times have you heard people on the news say something like 'He seemed perfectly normal. I can't believe that he did X.' On that note a long time ago I used to teach at the local community college. I had a student who appeared to be a 'normal' guy and did well in the class without a lot of effort. A month after the semester ends he kills his girlfriend. If you have contact with people there's always a chance that something bad will happen...
The problem starts way before you reach the job site. How many of the drivers you pass are on meds that affect their abilities?